ground slugs: a poem

slugs stay on the ground where the boots are
slow, brown, or goldfish gold, but slow
salt 'em, salt 'em, i don't care
crawling, walking, i don't care
slithering, slow
way down low
i don't care
about the slugs
they should stay on the ground where the boots are

what i will tell my children when i am old: a poem

when i am old
i will tell my children tragic beanstalk tales
of great giants
killed by evil men

i will tell them
the earth is made of cheese
the moon is made of dirt
and that's why no one goes there anymore

i will tell them
up is down
and black is white
because it is

fair: a poem

make lemons into lemonade
make an apple into an orange

god is fair, and life is fair
your tongue won't rot off
'til you can grow a new one

short bio: a poem

short bio?
freethinker
asker of difficult questions
not intellectually satisfied with the
paltry fruits of so-called american culture

they say life is miserable
but not for me

i drive a green car
and i'm in law school
i'm married, for some reason,
and i accidentally had children
some day, i'm going to eat my hands

i am a website: a poem

i am a website
people visit me
my craggèd face shines through the fog
will i be forgotten?
i am a website

i am a website
long have i roamed this land
coupons are what i dispense
life is not a mystery
i am a website

i am a website
be thou as swift as hermes?
goldilocks lied to us
all speech is nonsense
i am a website

family: a poem

do you know where your family is?
grandpa's in the nursing home,
playing platelet bingo.
grandma's i don't know where.
nobody knows where.
nobody goes there.

so you guess, you say,
on the whole, no.

lake monster blues: a poem

is the sky blue
it's a serious question
you're just a lake monster
stuck in a world of weirds

color represents
sometimes doesn't
can't you tell the difference
i'm slipping, but it's not a metaphor

saw a picture of champ
all the proof you need
munch brunch or lunch
no one rides for free

robert finnegan: a poem

remember when you was young?
dad spent a long time trying to convince you
that a giant robot wasn't your friend.
you didn't listen, though,
and that's why you're here.

remember that time you laid down on the train tracks?
that was a bad idea,
but you didn't think so.
some ideas can be good
and bad at the same time.
learned that one in philosophy class.

carter billingham: a poem

hard to believe it, but that guy's
got a square pattern on his tie.
leaving the house in that state,
ignorant of his wrongdoing (fate
having long-ago doomed him to live
unaware), he'd assumed that the worst of
his problems would be the weather. there
was no way he could have known (again,
fate) the cosmic mistake he'd made or
how they'd end up taking it, the ones who
knew, the ones whose reasoning was right,
true, correct. the ones on whose opposite
end are the men on the street corners, who
spend all their time yelling about how god is furious with us and
satan is real.

gonna song: a song

grampless chairdance
catless hairpants
where's all the pipple
in the whereson whereance

gonna-gonna take you back
gonna bake you a secret crack
gonna make a world
gonna make a world
gonna make a world of stuff